On Writing Parental Adoption, a Social Justice Satire on Adopterism and Adopteephobia

“Ms. Klunder appears to have no sense of gratitude for what her adoptive parents have done for her. Had she not been adopted out of South Korea, it is probable that she either would have died, or, would have been forced into sex trafficking. Ms. Klunder really doesn't have much to be angry about - she appears to have had a very good life, received a very good formal education, and is in excellent physical health. There are millions of children who would trade places with her in a heartbeat, to have the chance to be raised by a loving adoptive family, in a country that holds so many opportunities. I am shocked and disgusted with her apparent lack of gratitude or appreciation of the efforts of those who saved her hide. Talk about an Ugly American.”

 ~Think [pseud], comment on “Why a Generation of Adoptees is Returning to South Korea”, The New York Times Magazine, January 14, 2015, comment posted on January 14, 2015. 

I am one in 200,000 Korean-born persons who were adopted overseas to 17 different countries and cultures, since 1954, following the Korean War ceasefire. You may know me simply as an adoptee. In my adoptive hometown of Franklin, WI, I was one in 9 of girls who were expert bike riders, ice cream eaters, and trouble-makers for boys. I was honorary White, and happy to belong to my best friends. At home, I couldn’t hide my secret—I was different, and I was lucky to be adopted. My White American parents reminded me that “back [in Korea]”, I would have been poor, homeless, and not a Christian. In school, when I was asked to make a family tree, or write down my birthday, I was confronted with questions about my origins that could only be answered in terms of global systems of economic and gender violence. My middle-class, White American parents had no experience talking about race, class, and gender, nor the inconsistencies of Christian hegemony with their values of compassion, service, and dedication to a faith community. Thus, they did their best to quell my curiosity with the response, “Your birthmother loved you very much, but God had a plan for you here”, unintentionally defining my first family and culture of origin in their privileged terms of unworthiness. Meanwhile my poor, Korean family—who was denied access to economic participation, and the right to raise me in Korea—remained voiceless and invisible. At UW-Madison, as a student leader and social work student, I was finally given access to knowledge about privilege and oppression, and invited to center my experiences as a transnational, transracial adoptee. Little did I know, I would go on to remigrate to my country of origin, reunite with my Korean family, and co-facilitate our emerging overseas adoptee solidarity movement that is energizing overseas adoptees from China, Guatemala, India, and Ethiopia to complicate the dominant narrative of adoption, and make space for adoptee voices who are reaching to hold all members of the adoption triad, including adoptees, adoptive families, and families of origin.

“Adopterism denies adoptees and families of origin the right to define themselves outside of adopterist representations of the adoption experience. Adopterism reduces complex understandings of adoptees to the limited terms of adopteephobic language. For example, adoptees are often divided into false binaries such as good or bad, happy or angry, successful or criminal. Critical discourse about adoption has been entrenched in adopterist dichotomies of pro- or anti- adoption that has divided adoptee communities and interfered with solidarity efforts to finding solutions to the root causes of adoption.”

~Klunder, Laura. “Introduction to Adopterism: A Social Justice Framework for Adoption.” Gazillion Voices 7 Aug. 2014. 

In 2012, just after moving to Seoul, my Korean father invited me to visit his hometown in the countryside for Chuseok—the Korean harvest festival where Korean families visit their ancestral hometowns. At 28, I looked upon the burial grounds of my grandparents for the first time, while standing beside my little sister, and my father who I had just met. He introduced me as Seungmi. On my journey home, I started writing “Parental Adoption”, a satirical piece that helped me hold the absurdity, and injustices, of my life as a queer woman of color who grew up in the United States, and as overseas adopted Korean-born person. ““Parental Adoption” became one of my many humorous, playful, and weird writings that disorganized the dominant narrative of international, transracial adoption—not only as a necessary act of my personal liberation process, but as an act of solidarity with all peoples who have been targeted by intimate and systemic violence.

Parental Adoption

Originally published at coloringout.blogspot.com on September 10, 2012.

I am considering parental adoption. I have always wanted parents of my own, just like everyone else. I have so much love to give, and even more love to take. I am great at being cooked for, cleaned up after, and driven to places. Thus, I just know it's my calling to be parented. However, at my age, it's no longer possible for me to be born of someone. Consequently, if I want a normal family, my only option is parental adoption.

Despite the growing market for domestic parental adoption, I am choosing to adopt English-speaking, White parents internationally. Because I cannot effectively communicate in Korean, it does not make sense for me to adopt Korean parents. Of course they can learn English, but it will be difficult for them to study while earning money and tending to household chores. I grew up with White parents in my neighborhood, and I went to school with a lot of White people. Therefore, I trust that I am well equipped to conditionally accept the love and money of White folks.

I do realize that my adopted parents and I will look different from one another, which I will find terribly annoying. However, because I was socialized to be White through my own transnational and transracial adoption experience, I know what my White parents will experience and will be prepared to teach them ineffective strategies to combat discrimination, as taught to me by White people.

1.     Ignore them when they call you names and threaten violence.

2.     Always assume it was not intentional and that you are overreacting.

3.     Follow the rules and pray to White Jesus.

I am an unknown and self-appointed scholar on White people. If I may be so bold, I think I know more about White people than White people know about themselves. If I were to adopt White parents, I would introduce them to liberational texts by writers of color including but not limited to bell hooks, Paulo Freire, and Gloria Anzaldua. I would save them from their White privilege that threatens their humanity and positions them as weapons against their adopter of color. Quite frankly, White people need me to save them from the inherent violence of White culture. But more importantly, I need them to need me as their savior.

I am also considering adopting gay parents. I hear that a lot of gay people want to adopt a daughter, but they are not allowed to because of bigotry. However, I am willing to adopt them if their gay agenda allows space for my queer identity and desires. Mostly I just want validation, and adopting gay parents who are just like me, has fabulous potential.

Unfortunately, there are major financial barriers to adopting parents. Obviously, if I had a lot of money, I would not be interested in having parents at this point in life. Still, parents are an investment in my future who will provide me with security and resources that are priceless. I do understand that a lot of adults who are in need of a daughter have complicated lives and may be struggling with mental and physical health. I am prepared to allow my adopted parents to allocate a portion of our family income, that they will earn, to their own mental health and medical needs. I have been socialized to believe that healthy parents make better parents, and I want the best parents.

Finally, parental adoption, especially adopting White parents internationally, is a new practice that is somewhat experimental. Even though there is no research on parental adoption, there is plenty of information on adopting children and pets. This will have to suffice for now. I can only hope, with their love and my ignorance, we will find a way to fulfill my dreams to have parents of my own. What are your thoughts on parental adoption? 

Laura Klunder is the Social Justice Education Specialist at the Multicultural Student Center, University of Wisconsin-Madison. Laura grew up in the suburbs of Milwaukee, and received her bachelor's and master's degree from UW-Madison's School of Social Work. After leaving Wisconsin, Laura served as the Assistant Director of Campus Programs for Leadership and Social Justice at Macalester College in Saint Paul, MN. Laura returns home to Wisconsin, USA after living and organizing in her home of Seoul, South Korea with Adoptee Solidarity Korea. Ms. Klunder can be reached at [email protected].