Biracial at Eighteen

I have been on my biracial journey for only seven years.

On my 18th birthday, my mother revealed that I am biracial. Growing up, I knew something was different about me. I didn’t look quite like my siblings or anyone else in my family except for my mom. I remember hearing comments about how I was darker and the excuse always being that I played a lot outside. That was true, however, as a child my complexion was darker than my siblings. I somehow began to feel different on the inside because I didn’t have anyone in my family who looked like me.

The memory that sticks out the most was during my early teenage years. One of my birth marks is on my face, particularly around my right eye and forehead. I felt so ashamed that I went to a dermatologist to bleach my birthmark so that it could be lighter. My birthmark is something I now place a high value on because my biological father has the same birth mark. Although I have never been able to meet him, I do get to see a part of him in me everyday. I have been thankful that my mom has been able to tell me - according to her - that we share some of the same mannerisms and I do look a lot like him. He served in the Air Force and therefore gaining access to military records to track him down is impossible without specific pieces of information due to security reasons.I have been unsuccessful in my quest to find him however I have not given up hope.

I sometimes feel torn about telling people I’m biracial because I did not grow up learning or exploring that side of my identity. At the same time, I am proud of it and want people to know what it is a part of who I am. Since finding out, I have slowly done research to learn more about my Hispanic culture. Sometimes it is difficult due to the mixed reactions I get when I tell people I’m half Mexican. I have had to explain that my complexion or lack of speaking Spanish does not make me any less biracial. On the other hand, I have had very genuine and meaningful conversations about it. The past seven years have impacted me in ways I never expected. Although I stand strong in who I am, I sometimes become exhausted in having to constantly defend and explain my biracial identity. I have felt a disconnect from some of my family as a lot of them do not yet know my story which has been the hardest part of my journey. Although I’ve been able to share my story with certain groups of people, I have never openly talked about it until now because of my fear of not being accepted. On the flip side, I have been empowered by my truth. I have become more intentional in order ensure that the students who live in my residence hall feel accepted and included in the community. In addition, I observed how my mentors interacted with me after truly getting to know me when I was in college and have used those interactions in my work with my students. I have grown close with a number of students just by digging deeper to truly get to know them.

I am a servant leader at heart, and I also take an authentic approach to leadership. Part of being an authentic leader means that I sometimes appropriately self-disclose to build relationships and relate to my students. I find it empowering to share my story with my students, even with some of the emotional turmoil that comes along with it as it has created bonds and a sense of understanding with them. If there is one thing I hope people take away from this, it is to never downplay who you are and to proudly embrace it, even if that means have to spend extra time exploring that part of you. I have not fully learned what being biracial means to me, but I’ve made progress along the years by asking questions and spending time doing my research. I have become more comfortable with myself and have learned that it’s perfectly okay to live unapologetically on my quest to live the most authentic life possible.

Becki earned an M.Ed in Higher Education and Student Affairs at the University of South Carolina and currently serves as a Resident Director at the University of Kentucky.