Maskulinity: What Mask Do You Wear?

I recently had a conversation about what it means to be a man with a group of males ranging from ages 5-50 in a local barbershop. The responses were pretty spot on according to socially acceptable stereotypes. I found it very intriguing the depiction of manhood changed so vastly given the speakers age and in some instances the older patrons possessed such a skewed or narrowed minded interpretation of manhood. I was proud to hear some of the responses from the younger patrons, as their responses embraced and articulated concepts that alluded social acceptance and understanding towards all as equals.

During my conversation some respondents expressed extreme discomfort when faced with the question. Some viewed the question as a concept that promotes sexism and or dominance. The concept of being a man took the shape of something associated with violence, supremacy, hyper masculine persona, closed mindedness, and anti-feelings. A 15 year old kid spoke up and asked “Does having or expressing emotions make one any less of a man?” The barbershop paused at that moment and he then followed that question up by saying “Or should I just be strong and not address my feelings? Being strong doesn’t mean you are a man. My mother is strong raising me alone. So I know that having strength or being strong doesn’t make me a man.” His statement and confidence in that moment made me so proud of him. The young man’s understanding that having strength isn’t a deciding factor or something that is a gender specific trait that defines manhood made my day.

What is the appearance of a man? Does looking the part and acting a certain way determine who a man is? Both young and old patrons used appearance to describe what it meant to be a man. The visual image of someone with muscles, a beard, sweaty, rough hands, and deep voice were the common descriptions given to describe manhood. These images coupled with the mindset that to be a man you have to be tough, rough, rugged, fearless, and never cry were all common actions said to be associated with manhood. So then I asked them how many “real men” exist than?

In today’s society the boundaries or social norms that depicted the stereotypical image of masculinity have changed drastically. Men are working jobs outside of the coalmines and working jobs like being a nurse, teacher, secretary, and so much more. Those were just a few examples of what was once viewed as jobs for women, but to me saying these are women jobs is just as asinine of a statement as having strength makes you a man. This is not meant to be knock on anyone’s profession or view on masculinity, just proof that we as a culture are challenging societal norms and becoming more accepting of change.

Dr. Martin Luther King once said “Ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands during challenge and controversy.” It isn’t always popular to be yourself, to be different, or to go against the grain. Be yourself and love who you are, because you could be the example for someone else who’s asking what does it means to be a man. So the next time you are asked to find YOUR mask, remember find the one that fits and wear your “Mask”ulinty proudly.